By Mary Briggs
Two dogs are having a conversation about the state of the neighbourhood. Bruce, a Blue Heeler, used to live in the street but now resides in the country. He is visiting Garbagegutz, a black Labrador..
"G'day Bruce, long time no see.What brings you back to this neck of the woods?"
"Just visiting,mate. what do you know?"
"Street's been quiet since you left, Bruce.That terrier from #3 is the new top dog."
"You're kidding. I thought Snuggles would get the nod for sure."
Garbagegutz starts to scratch and tufts of dirt and hair fly everywhere. "Bloody fleas!!Must have got them from that bitch at #7."
Bruce's eyes open wider. "You got on with the Poodle? How'd you manage that? She's never let out and her backyard's got more security than Parliament House."
Garbagegutz flops to the ground and drools on the pavement.
"It took some efort,Bruce, but it was worth it."
"So how did you.....you know?"
"Bruce, you know I never discuss details. However, things were a little damp towards the end. Her owner caught us and turned on the hose."
Bruce nods sympathetically."That's a bastrd, isn't it? Still, mate, you got a lot further than I ever did. Now tell me why Snuggles wasn't made top dog."
Garbagegutz slowly sits up on his haunches. "Well,Bruce, as a former top dog yourself,you know only too well, that certain qualities are needed if one is to reach that illustrious position. Strength, tenacity, leadership abilities, deep resonant bark preferred but not necessarily essential, that sort of thing."
"Terriers are pretty big on tenacity", Bruce admits, "and I wouldn't have thought Snuggles was lacking in that department."
"He's not, Bruce. His ability and commitment was never questioned. It's just that....well..would you look up to a top dog with a name like Snuggles?"
"You have a point there,Gar. So you drew the short straw to tell him?"
"How did you do it?"
"From the opposite side of the street. You never quite know how a Pit Bull will react, even if his name is Snuggles!!"