When A Little Knowledge Can Be Dangerous.

The following are all quotes from 11 year olds' science exams

  • "Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
  • "When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire.
  • "H20 is hot water. CO2 is cold water.
  • "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold down a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
  • "When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide .
  • "Three kinds of blood vessels are: Arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
  • "Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
  • "Respiration consists of two acts. First inspiration and then expectoration.
  • "The moon is a planet just like earth, only it is even deader.
  • "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
  • "A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
  • "The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five -a,e,i,o and u.
  • "Momentum: What you give people when they are going away.
  • "Planet: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
  • "Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.
  • "Vacuum: A large empty space where the Pope lives.
  • "Before giving a blood transfusion find out if the blood is affirmative or negative
  • "For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and down to make Artificial Perspiration.
  • "For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if a lady, rub her arms above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
  • "For dog bite: Put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
  • "For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
  • "To prevent contraception: Wear a condominium.
  • "For a head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
  • "To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
  • "The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
  • "The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana.
  • "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been removed and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
  • "A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars and eight cuspidors.
  • "he tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends towards the Moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the Sun joins in the fight.
  • "A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is the more extinct it is.
  • "Litter: A nest of young puppies.
  • "Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
    Submitted by John Chandler
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