Wot's an Aussie ?
Author unknown
1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.
2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.
3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the
launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot
be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie
he's probably a media billionaire. Or on the other hand, he may be a
wharfie.
5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.
6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and
wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever
worked this out.
7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate.
8. All our best heroes are losers.
9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the
barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning
the snags.
10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.
11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in
America, but a fine example of Australian footwear. A group of sheilas
wearing black rubber thongs may not be as exciting as you had hoped.
12. It is proper to refer to your best friend as "a total b@stard".
By contrast, your worst enemy is "a bit of a b@stard".
13. Historians believe the widespread use of the word
"mate" can be traced to the harsh conditions on the Australian frontier
in the 1890s, and the development of a code of mutual aid, or
"mateship". Alternatively, Australians may just be really hopeless with
names.
14. The wise man chooses a partner who is attractive not only to himself, but to the mosquitoes.
15. If it can't be fixed with pantyhose and fencing wire, it's not worth fixing.
16. The most popular and widely praised family in any street is the one that has the swimming pool.
17. It's considered better to be down on your luck than up yourself.
18. The phrase "we've got a great lifestyle" means everyone in the family
drinks too much.
19. If invited to a party, you should take cheap red
wine and then spend all night drinking the host's beer. (Don't worry,
he'll have catered for it).
20. If there's any sort of free event or party within a hundred kilometres, you'd be a mug not to go.
21. The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You
should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips
back to the car, you're not trying.
24. On picnics, the Esky is always too small, creating a food versus grog
battle that can only ever be resolved by leaving the salad at home.
25. When on a country holiday, the neon sign
advertising the motel's pool will always be slightly larger than the
pool itself.
26. The men are tough, but the women are tougher.
27. The chief test of manhood is one's ability to install a beach umbrella in high winds.
28. Australians love new technology. Years after their introduction, most
conversations on mobile phones are principally about the fact that the call
is "being made on my mobile".
29. There comes a time in every Australian's life when
he/she realises that the Aerogard is a darn sight worse than the flies.
30. And, finally, don't let the tourist books fool you. No-one EVER says "cobber" to anyone ... EVER!